The Masks We Wear
How Performers earn acceptance and respect by managing impressions.
Friends, we are close to finishing the introduction to the four vibes. I’m going to be away for a couple of weeks, but I will return with more to think about.
A recurring theme of the Vibes Project is that we all have default settings that govern how we think and experience social situations. For example:
The Natural often has an intuitive sense for people, situations, and culture.
The Analyst is logical and works best when expectations and rules are direct and clear.
The Feeler experiences almost everything at a higher intensity, and it weighs on them.
The Performer, our current focus, is attuned to perceptions and reflects what will get a response.
These vibes are part of us. We all have them to varying degrees and can see them in ourselves, if we’re prepared to look. For some, these default settings cause problems.
The nonchalant Natural may seem cold, detached, or unaware of the efforts of others.
The Analyst may miss social or cultural cues that others see, which can lead to embarrassment.
The Feeler’s emotions can overwhelm others and lead to exhaustion.
The Performer can be seen as a poser who adopts trends without an authentic interest.
It can be jarring to realize that our vibe may be problematic. We didn’t choose it, and we can’t easily control it. Yet, it’s often how people experience us in social situations. If we don’t put effort into the impression we make, the vibe shines through.
What is “Masking”?
In the neurodiversity community, “masking” describes a phenomenon where people suppress or conceal their thoughts, feelings, or behaviors to meet expectations and appear more normal. In some cases, this is a coping strategy. By donning a metaphorical mask, they fit it and become someone else, albeit temporarily.
Masking is not limited to people who are neurodivergent. We all mask occasionally, and this reality is a way to think about vibes.
The Feeler might suppress strong emotions and become quiet as a masking strategy.
The Analyst would need to be aware that not everyone shares an interest in technical subjects. It’s better to go with the flow.
The Performer is special in this way. Their use of masking is strategic. They are adept at understanding what is popular, attractive, or interesting and adopting it to make an impression that earns respect and attention. We all do this, but for Performers, it’s a tool that can be deployed to achieve a goal.
All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
- As You Like It, William Shakespeare
Impression Management
The idea of the Performer is not new. We all know trendy people who are always changing to meet the next wave of situations and expectations. This could be a part of humanness that has always existed.
In 1956, Sociologist Irving Goffman published a groundbreaking book called The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life. It captures what he believed was a universal human trait called impression management that appears in face-to-face situations.
He believed we are always acting and managing two versions of ourselves:
“Frontstage” requires a conscious effort to adapt to situations and people
“Backstage” is our default; how we are in private, or in comfortable situations
I think of a social media influencer who posts videos of their luxury lifestyle (front stage) while the real person shows through in group chats (backstage).
The Problem: Divergence
Some people make a similar impression on both front and back stages. They don’t change or perform in different contexts. They feel authentically themselves most of the time.
For others, including the Analyst and Feeler vibes, it’s the opposite. Their front and back stage impressions diverge and can take a toll. Switching back and forth requires constant effort that can lead to exhaustion and anxiety. What’s at stake is credibility. If the front stage veil falls, they risk being seen as fake or inauthentic.
“The self is a dramatic effect arising from a scene that is presented, and the characteristic issue, the crucial concern, is whether it will be credited or discredited.”
― Erving Goffman, The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life
The Performer Impression
Performers differ from other vibes because of their keen interest in impression management. They are aware of the impression they want to make and are intentional about crafting an appearance, attitude, and presence that makes that impression.
Most young people go through phases where they experiment with a variety of styles and attitudes. They are searching for, or feeling out, their front-stage selves and the impression they want to make.
Many learn that this experience is fraught. If they try too hard, it’s obvious, and they appear inauthentic and potentially lose credibility. This is the plight of the Performer who naturally adapts to front-stage situations that may not match their backstage selves. When this balance is off, it can become a problem.
We soon learn that approval and credibility matter. It’s not enough to wear the right clothes or say the right things. To be credible, it helps if it comes from a deeper, more authentic place, which is often backstage.
The Lesson
When front and back are out of sync, problems can arise, which is a risk for the Performer (and all of us).
It’s normal to have different selves: front and back stage. When people feel authentic and well-adjusted, it may mean that their front and back stages are in sync. They know themselves, and it shows.