New Series: The Feeler Vibe
Learn about the human trait of high sensitivity and why it matters.
You probably know a sensitive person, or you may be one yourself. How can you tell?
Let’s consider a sensitive person I know. They are intelligent, creative, and fun to be around, but need time to warm up. They have an intuitive sense for the feelings and needs of others. They are keen observers who notice details and nuances that others miss. This is part of why they easily feel overwhelmed and need time to recover. They are sometimes more emotional than others and have a strong sense of empathy along with a desire to help that extends to people, animals, events, and cultural movements. This person can be overcome with joy, moved by music and art, and motivated to express themselves creatively. They also cry easily and choose not to watch movies with too much violence.
Does this remind you of someone you know, or maybe yourself?
For years, I found this person fascinating. I wondered: Was it an act? Were they playing a part to make an impression or get a reaction? For a while, I made the common mistake of assuming their sensitive nature was a weakness or flaw. They need to toughen up! They need grit! Get over it!
Today, I know they are not playing a part. Their sensitivity is a deep and authentic part of them that isn’t a choice. They are who they are, and this perspective is backed by science.
As we’ll see in the following series, the sensitivity I’ve described above is a vibe, right alongside The Natural and The Analyst. This vibe is The Feeler, and I will show that it’s linked to real differences in our nervous systems, and plays a valuable role in society and culture.
The Feeler Vibe
The Feeler vibe is based, in part, on the work of Dr. Elaine Aron, who published a book in 1997 titled The Highly Sensitive Person or “HSP”. Dr. Aron, who considers herself an HSP, noticed that a subset of the population seemed to share the same traits. Over years of research, she has proven that high sensitivity is real and linked to differences in our nervous systems. We are all born with different levels of sensitivity.
“Our trait of sensitivity means we will also be cautious, inward, needing extra time alone. Because people without the trait (the majority) do not understand that, they see us as timid, shy, weak, or that greatest sin of all, unsociable. Fearing these labels, we try to be like others. But that leads to our becoming overaroused and distressed. Then that gets us labeled neurotic or crazy, first by others and then by ourselves.”
- Dr. Elain Aron in The Highly Sensitive Person
High sensitivity is a trait that affects about 20% of the population, applies across genders, and may not be limited to people. Research shows that about the same proportion of animals have highly sensitive nervous systems.
One of those animals is my dog, Piper. When we had two dogs, she was clearly different because she jumped every time the toaster popped. She won’t push or walk through doors unless there is enough room. More about dog sensitivity.
The Science
Dr. Aron discovered a trait called Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS) that measures a person’s sensitivity. Using fMRI, she and her team showed that the brains of HSPs react differently from those of the general population, especially regarding empathy, awareness, and sensory processing. More here.
Her work led to the Highly Sensitive Person Scale, which measures:
Sensitivity to Details – Notices subtle sights, sounds, and patterns.
Depth of Processing – Thinks carefully and thoroughly about experiences.
Social Sensitivity – Easily picks up on others’ feelings.
Sensitivity to Positive Experiences – Deeply moved by beauty and joy.
Emotional Reactivity – Strong emotional responses to everyday events.
Overstimulation – Easily overwhelmed by busy or intense environments.
Curious about your sensitivity? Take this quiz.
The Feeler Vibe is Essential
As you know, my goal is to understand why we are the way we are. Sensitive people are part of our social lives, and like the other vibes, there is a lack of understanding of their unique reality.
For most of history, HSPs were misunderstood. This is especially true for boys. Well-meaning parents were distressed to see their boys exhibit sensitive traits and took it as a sign of weakness. Fathers set out to make the boys tougher, which often led to frustration.
High sensitivity isn’t about gender or sexual orientation. It’s how people naturally sense and react to the world around them. Despite pressure from family and society, sensitive boys can’t often change, but they can feel broken or learn to cope by masking their sensitivity. This can lead to exhaustion, anxiety, and anger.
Culturally, girls are expected to be sensitive and nurturing. Yet, when their sensitivity is greater than expected, it can lead to accusations of being too emotional or dramatic. This can cause them to withdraw and be introverted. Many report growing up with a feeling that their sensitivity “was a problem for others.”
By exploring this vibe, I want to show that high sensitivity is natural, normal, and productive. We likely evolved with sensitivity as a strategy.
I want to help Feelers understand their brain and nervous system and be more at home with themselves. I want those around Feelers to see them for who they are and learn to work with their strengths.
Coming Up…
In the 1990s, a specific type of neuron was discovered in our brains that helps us understand and react to another person’s actions and emotional states. We’ll see how this discovery changed how we think about sensitivity and the Feeler vibe.